Vampire Bees

Vampire bee from the 1931 Dracula movie.I’ve been trying to get a picture or video of the bees on my patio, with no success. No matter how many bees are around, I always wind up with a picture completely devoid of bees; in fact, I don’t even see them when I look through the viewfinder. This is probably because I’m taking the pictures from a distance (because they’re bees, and they’ve already stung me once), or because I’m not a very good photographer, or because my cellphone camera just isn’t up to the job of photographing small insects flying rapidly with bad lighting conditions from a distance.

At least, that’s what I keep telling myself. But no matter how hard I try to rationalize, I just can’t ignore the fact that the simplest explanation is that I’m dealing with vampire bees.
This would explain a number of things:

  • The bees don’t show up in photos or video.
  • I’ve never seen their reflection in a mirror.
  • They don’t like garlic.
  • They’ve exhibited unnatural behavior; specifically, stinging me without provocation.

I found that last one particularly troubling, so I decided to do some research. It turns out that googling “vampire bee” yields about 1370 hits, all of which seem to be about apian vampires (as opposed to, say, some sort of competition in which people try to spell vampire names or answer vampire trivia questions). But apart from one site with a picture of a vampire bee emerging from a bee-sized coffin, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of practical information out there.

So I guess I’m on my own. I have no idea what the long-term effects are of a vampire bee sting, but so far I haven’t noticed any unusual cravings for honey, pollen, or human blood, so I’m cautiously optimistic.

Update, July 20: Reader retmeishka posted a link to a picture of a vampire bee biting the neck of a flower. This provides us with an important new bit of information: apparently it is possible to photograph a vampire bee, but only when it’s feeding.

Update, July 27: Apparently, the vampires in Twilight are butterflies. Of course, this only applies to sparkly vampire humans; vampire bees are a different species entirely.

The bee saga concludes with this vampire bee update.

Tagged with: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Bees, Humor, Vampire Bees
66 comments on “Vampire Bees
  1. Vampire bees scare the vampire bee-jeezus out of me. (Mwah, mwah…)

  2. Oh no, Twilight better watch out, there’s a new story on the front!
    -Alessandra

  3. Danny says:

    I think that you should write a book. It would easily outsell the twilight series…Maybe…Hopefully! Anyway I like the idea.

    superhive.wordpress.com

  4. Classic says:

    There are a lot of odd bugs in general it appears; my best friend keeps seeing these tiny ‘alien bugs’ around her house, and when she pokes or blows on them, they ‘crumble’ apart. I saw one on my arm, and thinking it was parhaps an ant with a heavy load, I of course, squashed it. Only to discover that it actually made my arm burn like it was acid, causing a temporary red mark =o. Every year about 200 new species of bugs are discovered.. Perhaps vampire bees are next B-)

  5. Neal Skorpen says:

    Any strange side effects of being stung? Stopping of aging? Alabaster complexion? Growing a stinger? Craving pollen?

  6. retmeishka says:

    Google “nectar robbers” or “nectar robbing.” I took a photo of a vampire bee (and I got lucky, it allowed itself to show up on camera!) biting into the neck of a flower to get the nectar, instead of entering through the front of the flower. http://www.flickr.com/photos/eagledove9/2882637755/. When you watch them up close, you can actually see them sticking their sharp, piercing little tongue probe through the stem. It’s fascinating. Vampire bees are real.

  7. Hey I just wrote about bees too; apparently mine are not of the undead variety though. esoileau.wordpress.com

  8. goldenpast says:

    Vamipre bees. Yep. Sounds legit to me.
    Just sayin’

  9. carrilloclose says:

    This is awesome

  10. SallyK says:

    Bees just seem to “know” when they are in the viewfinder and immediately disappear… remember how fast vampires can move? Maybe another trait of “vampire bees”… North Coast Muse @ http://sally1029.wordpress.com

  11. Olivia says:

    Thats a Very nicely written post about your apprehension.. With loads of humor..
    Keep that up..!!

  12. Adam Day says:

    Ha. Pretty cool.

    Check us out at Road Rage with A & A for a little internet traffic road rage!

  13. This is a great post! I’m glad I hopped on here to read it. Funny.

  14. J. Nelson Leith says:

    When my son was much younger, he once told me out of the blue that “zombie bees” would be much scarier than regular bees or zombies for three reasons: first, because the name sounded weird (which he demonstrated by saying “zom-beee-beee”) second, because their stings would probably hurt worse than regular bees, and third, because it would be far harder to keep them out of the house by simply boarding up the doors and windows like people do with regular zombies.

  15. janet9195 says:

    Loved your vampire bee article. Hope the critters are not too close to your entry/exit doors. I’ve heard of some scary bee behavior in the last few years, such as building hives in walls of homes and stuffing them full of honey that eventually rots and ruins the house! Plus the buzzing in the walls of thousands of bees was very annoying to the human occupants. Nevertheless, we “can’t live without them, and (paraphrasing here) we can’t live with them in our house”! ~the hamster

  16. HippieCahier says:

    I can’t help but wonder: are werewolf bees more photogenic?

  17. Mark Deniz says:

    Hello there, love the article and wondered if you fancy letting us use it on our Vampire Awareness Blog over at my account?

  18. Barry Mañana says:

    I was wondering about vampire taxi drivers – do their cars show up on speed cameras! Anyways – vampire bees? Brilliant! Though probably not good on a sunny day day in the garden.

    Béela Lugosi – “children of the night – thrum to me”.

    Heard a nice joke about bees the other day – “Dad, what’s a wasp!” Reply: “It’s a gay bee, son”.

    All bee-ed out now!

  19. niconica says:

    Hilarious! Awesome post. :)

    Cheers, Niconica
    http://niconica.wordpress.com

  20. thecodger says:

    I’ve learned from my own bee colony that if you don’t see them producing honey or beeswax, there’s a good chance they’re mason or carpenter bees. Perhaps you’d have some luck if you installed a tri-pod near the hive.

    The Codger
    http://thecodger.wordpress.com/

  21. I had no idea that there were VAMPIRE bees, sheesh. Ironic because I recently made a post about bees. :-)

    With Love and Gratitude,

    The Intentional Sage

  22. Hilarious post. I was still waiting for the invasion of the Killer Bees. Now this. Yikes.

  23. Nat says:

    you are super funny :)

  24. sayitinasong says:

    Even the bees have caught Twilight fever…

  25. tossilago says:

    So, if they’re “Vampire Bees”, if they sting you, do you…become a Vampire Bee? Or do you slowly turn yellow, start liking flowers abnormally much and start shrinking before you’re supposed to?

    Makes me wonder ^.^

  26. Six_33 says:

    The coffin and the vampire bee climbing out is too funny!

  27. Evie Garone says:

    Cute. Good for you being Freshly Pressed. . .I hope I don’t meet your bees…

    evelyngarone.com

  28. Melissa says:

    Whatever you do, don’t invite them in the house.

  29. jscottg says:

    Yeesh. And driving a stake through their hearts would be really difficult.

  30. I’ve never been stung by a bee, and I definitely don’t want to be stung by a vampire bee!

  31. […] I've been trying to get a picture or video of the bees on my patio, with no success. No matter how many bees are around, I always wind up with a picture completely devoid of bees; in fact, I don't even see them when I look through the viewfinder. This is probably because I'm taking the pictures from a distance (because they're bees, and they've already stung me once), or because I'm not a very good photographer, or because my cellphone camera jus … Read More […]

  32. cleverlittlemiss says:

    Vampire Bees…haha I like this post. I’ve been stung once in my life and it was by a wasp that swelled my cheek up to look like I had stuck a golf in my mouth. Good luck with them!

  33. reen says:

    What other possible conclusion could there be-e?
    Hate to say it, but please, for the sake of all humanity, isolate yourself. And not just a fenced-in area -there’s always the miniscule but terrifying chance that you’ll sprout wings and defy every known law of aviation.
    You will be missed. Probably moreso by people who know you, but I’ll be sad for a a second or -Shiny thing! Bye!

  34. thats funny i like that! haha

  35. La La says:

    that bites. you are SO dealing with vampire bees. UGH (as in ugh! that sucks!)

    (((HUGS)))

  36. Penny says:

    I was referred to this post from my recent article on the elusive (and fictional) Vampire Beetle. (Warning – not PG.) http://birdsaresmart.blogspot.com/2010/07/encounters-with-vampire-beetles.html I’m glad I’m not the only person w/uncanny questions about insects.

  37. Roseywinter says:

    Vampire bees! How would you stake them? Are toothpicks small enough? Lol.

  38. Get an SLR camera with a macro lense and that will solve your problem. You’ll be able to take pictures of the vampire BEEEEES!!! LOL!

    thetruthisextant.wordpress.com

  39. vampiregran says:

    Cute post! And anything with the word “vampire” in always gets my attention!

  40. […] Vampire Bees (via Laura’s Bad Ideas) Posted in Lee's Life by leeschmidt on July 21, 2010 I've been trying to get a picture or video of the bees on my patio, with no success. No matter how many bees are around, I always wind up with a picture completely devoid of bees; in fact, I don't even see them when I look through the viewfinder. This is probably because I'm taking the pictures from a distance (because they're bees, and they've already stung me once), or because I'm not a very good photographer, or because my cellphone camera jus … Read More […]

  41. sarahnsh says:

    I don’t know about vampire ‘bees’, but vampire hornets are quite possible! They infect insects with larvae and I know I saw it through Discovery channel. Maybe try some Off to see if that keeps them away from you, but that may just be mosquitoes though.

  42. sandyc06 says:

    wow vampire bees…

  43. ITZHAK AND CHERI says:

    VERY FUNNY

  44. […] I've been trying to get a picture or video of the bees on my patio, with no success. No matter how many bees are around, I always wind up with a picture completely devoid of bees; in fact, I don't even see them when I look through the viewfinder. This is probably because I'm taking the pictures from a distance (because they're bees, and they've already stung me once), or because I'm not a very good photographer, or because my cellphone camera jus … Read More […]

  45. 365diamond says:

    In my old house I had been often attacked by bees in the night. They were trying to enter the house and sting me. If I closed the window, they wood just start hitting into it. It was very scary.
    At first I thought they were attracted by the light, but these incidents were happening mostly with lights switched off!
    Have any of you seen bees flying in the middle of the night?

    There might be some other kind of bees, like already mentioned zombee bees, ghost bees, possessed bees, vampire bees, devil bees, canibal bees and even blood thirsty stinging evil vampire possessed zombee canibal ghost bees mutant aliens.

  46. scribecorner says:

    thankfully I dont have these kind near about :P… btw you better get yourself some garlic and onion soup b4 u turn into a bee

  47. […] this link: Vampire Bees Share and […]

  48. Blargh says:

    Are they sparklely Twilight vampire bees, or burst into flames/turn into dust Buffy the Vampire Slayer vampire bees?

  49. ashKool says:

    It didn’t occur to me as greatly until I read the 4 similarities you pointed out between Dracula and these still-extant distant relatives…
    Truly a great observation and nice post.
    I will be careful not to become a vampire (or a zom-bee) if I see a beehive anywhere close by… :-)

  50. debeelibra says:

    Ouch, I laughed so much I think one of my wings might be crumpled^^
    The etymological meaning of my name is bee, so I’ve seen much and much things on bees, but that’s the funniest I’ve ever read so far!
    I loved the pictures, the one with the flower and the ‘vampire’ going to ‘sleep’ in its coffin^^ But I totally understand the non-picture policy of those things. Seriously, the only bee I ever managed to get to be(e) in a picture was dead! And even, the picture was blurred (which either mean the ‘spell’ still half works once they’re dead, or I’m a poor photographer. I’d bet the latest) Plus I have a real bee/wasp phobia despite never having been bitten in my life (yet don’t want to try it either)
    The only advice I can think of right now is : eat garlic, may not be effective on vampires, but I’m not sure a bee can endure the smell -_-‘ that, or toothpicks. But you better be good at darts^^ Before you get one.=)

  51. Mr. Saeed says:

    This is a great post! I’m glad I hopped on here to read it. Funny.

  52. I really laughed out loud reading this post :-)

  53. […] Your son could be seeing vampire bees. When he points out the bees to you, do you look at them directly or through a mirror? If […]

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