The Unsuccessful Undead: Four Animal-Themed Horror Movies You’ll Never See

Thanks to everyone who commented on the “vampire bees” post; some of the stories about zombie bees and similar creatures inspired this list of hypothetical horror movies.

1. Jaws 5: Night of the Wolf

Sharks are scary, and werewolves are scary, so what could be more frightening than a shark werewolf? This 3D IMAX movie features some breathtaking underwater visuals but ends somewhat abruptly after the first full moon, when the shark turns into a wolf and drowns.

2. Hummingbird Horror

Hitchcock’s classic The Birds meets, well, any zombie movie ever made. Zombie hummingbirds terrorize an isolated coastal town; however, because hummingbirds need to flap their wings very rapidly to fly, and zombies move very slowly, all these creatures can do is sit and stare at passers-by. Still, this behavior is pretty creepy, and some people do sustain injuries tripping over the birds.

3. Vlad the Farmer

When a swarm of vampire bees shows up at an organic farm, the veggies turn bloodthirsty. Mostly played for camp (think Attack of the Killer Tomatoes), this film takes a decidedly somber tone in scenes depicting vampire garlic plants and their struggles with autoimmune disorders.

4. Wolf/Werewolf

The poignant, terrifying, and yet somewhat pointless character study of an ordinary wolf who, whenever the moon is full, remains a wolf.

Photo credits: moon courtesy of flickr user eflon, wolf courtesy of Massimo Valiani, and hummingbird coutesy of Steev Hise. Other images came from movie posters for Jaws and Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.

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Posted in Humor, Movies
6 comments on “The Unsuccessful Undead: Four Animal-Themed Horror Movies You’ll Never See
  1. I like your scenario for Jaws 5. Of course, it has to be 3D IMAX to get the full effect.

  2. mmmarty says:

    hahaha lovely! Cant wait for these to hit the videoshop shelves! Animal Horror Films – a subgenre unto its own!

  3. girl normal says:

    Ha! This was hilarious!

  4. Hello.This article was extremely fascinating, particularly since I was looking for thoughts on this topic last Tuesday.
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I have some publications in other places, including short stories at Shimmer, Flash Fiction Online, and Daily Science Fiction, and a list of overly-wordy LOLCat captions on McSweeney's.

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