Vampire Bee Update

This probably won’t make much sense if you haven’t read my earlier post about vampire bees.

A yellow jacketI’ve never understood why, in most vampire fiction, everyone conspires to keep the existence of vampires secret. It makes sense for the vampires to do this, of course, but why would the human vampire hunters go along with it? Wouldn’t it make more sense to educate the public about the existence of vampires and the steps we can take to protect ourselves?

The events of this week have convinced me that this veil of secrecy also exists in real life. I hired a professional to come out and look at my vampire bees, and he denied that they were vampires, or even bees. That second denial isn’t quite as nonsensical as it seems — if he’d said they were ordinary, non-vampire bees, I would have insisted that he remove them without harming them; denying that they were bees at all gave him an excuse to kill them.

Normally I would have called him on his obvious lies, but at this point, I was willing to go along with just about anything to get rid of the bees. So I watched him pretend to spray them and nodded when he said it would take up to a week for them all to die. And for the next week or so, I’ll pretend that I don’t notice when he comes to my house while I’m away, driving toothpicks one at a time through cold, dead apian hearts.

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Posted in Bees, Humor, Vampire Bees
2 comments on “Vampire Bee Update
  1. The image of toothpicks puncturing bees makes me laugh! Awesome!

  2. Well, it was either that or burn down the house.

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Elsewhere …

I have some publications in other places, including short stories at Shimmer, Flash Fiction Online, and Daily Science Fiction, and a list of overly-wordy LOLCat captions on McSweeney's.

Things I found in my cat's water bowl.

A blog about my cat Holly's end of life.

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