I was pretty excited when I found out there would be a Supermoon Saturday night. With everything going on in the world right now, a celestial superhero seemed like just what we needed. When all was said and done, however, the Supermoon turned out to be a huge disappointment. As far as I can tell, it didn’t solve any of the world’s problems. In fact, it didn’t do much of anything; it just sat there, up in the sky.
Before any of you astronomy buffs rush off to post angry comments: yes, I admit I was engaging in a bit of hyperbole. The Supermoon didn’t “sit there”; it orbited the Earth. Which could have been really cool and useful, if it had orbited really really fast and turned back time the way Superman did in the first Superman movie, which I haven’t seen in a long time but am pretty sure was a documentary. But no, the Supermoon just orbited at regular Moon speed. And yes, that makes the tides come in and the tides go out, but the regular Moon could have handled that.
Speaking of which — did anyone else notice that when the Supermoon was out, the regular Moon was nowhere to be seen? And that, in fact, no one has ever seen the regular Moon and the Supermoon at the same time? And that the Supermoon looks exactly like the regular Moon, only bigger? I mean, come on — at least when Superman disguised himself as Clark Kent, he wore glasses. Seriously, Supermoon, just how stupid do you think we are?