As I’m sure you know by now, I’m not one to complain, but there are a few matters I need to bring to your attention:
2. So far, none of you have ordered my self-published book, 365 Blog Posts About My Birthday. This book contains everything I’ve written this year, so I’m sure you’ll agree it’s a steal at $49.95. I know you’re all planning to buy it eventually, but please stop procrastinating.
3. Some of you have commented that I never got you anything for your birthday. While these statements are true, they’re irrelevant — this blog is about what you should do for my birthday, not what I should do for your birthday. Please read more carefully in the future, and keep your comments on-topic.
Thank you for your attention — I just needed to clear the air. We’ll get back to more pleasant topics with tomorrow’s post, After Sending This Year’s (Belated) Present, It’s Time to Start Thinking About Next Year’s Birthday.
Unlikely Explanations 
I guess this is a subtle hint that today is your birthday? If I thought it really was your birthday, I’d wish you a Happy Day, but because your post is so subtle, I’m really not sure if I should.
My birthday is actually months away. I thought about sitting on this post until then, but I wanted to give you the pleasure of reading it immediately. You’re welcome.
I feel like you’re trying to tell me something…
It’s almost a year since I started this blog. People send presents for that, right?
Happy Birthday for last year, Laura. The gift I would have sent you then would have arrived on time, had I known about you then. The one I send you for this year should arrive on time, if I remember to send it. If not, I’ll say Happy Birthday for this year too, and then all bases are covered!
Don’t worry about forgetting — I already have the post Everyone Please Remind Tom About My Birthday scheduled to run a few times in the month leading up to the actual day.
What ingrates. I can’t believe your readers are so heartless, obtuse and insensitive!
oh, wait…
It looks like you’ve discovered something about yourself today, and I’m honored to have helped you reach this epiphany. Please feel free to send me something from my Amazon.com wish list as a thank-you.
Hey Laura I’ll send you a gift if you tell me your snail mail address
rocky@geko.net.au
“A monkey’s paw! You shouldn’t have! Really!”
Wait a minute — a present, in my mailbox? Why does that sound familiar?
The Wikipedia page should read, “A typical birthday cake. In China. At a seance.”
If I ever meet someone whose birthday falls on Halloween, I’m going to make them this cake.
But I did send you a present for your birthday. It was my self-published book, “How to Make Your Friends Rich”. I bet you didn’t even read it.
Was that a present? I thought you wanted me to write a review. I’ve been working on it ever since.
I sent all of your gifts to unlikelyexpectations.com, but the post office keeps returning the packages.
Ironically, unlikelyexpectations.com domain registration was the first item on my wishlist.
Hahaha…
that cake is almost illuminated as brightly as one of mine. From years ago. Before they started to resemble the face of the sun. :)
The trick is to get a slightly bigger cake each year, so you retain the same candle density.
Hahaha…
I’m not sure our floor can handle that kind of stress…
:)
Now I feel awkward.
I thought disembodied hands were supposed to go on nachos.
This explains why no one wanted to visit on Cinco De Mayo.
Just remember, nachos are finger food, not hand food.
I was going to get you this great book, “365 Blog Posts About My Birthday” for your birthday, but for some reason it didn’t ship in time. Maybe next year! (and happy belated birthday!)
What an amazing idea for a present! You should get that for all your friends who have birthdays.
#4 Omawarisan read this last week, liked it and thought he’d commmented but actually had not.
and 1-3, inclusive.
I’m sure I responded to this already.
Watch for my next post: One Or More Ways In Which Laura Failed Me By Blogging About Three Ways That I Failed Her … WITH CATS.
I’m sure it will be awesome. My favorite part will be the pictures of your cats acting out scenes of us failing each other.