1. Where and how were the stockings hung?
b) on the clothesline, haphazardly.
c) in the library, with a rope, by Colonel Mustard.
2. Who were the children waiting for?
a) Saint Nicholas.
3. Why does St. Nick employ tiny reindeer instead of regular-sized reindeer?
a) Tiny reindeer have better aerodynamics.
b) Full-sized reindeer would exceed the weight limit specified in most roof warranties.
c) It was an accident. The baby reindeer that St. Nick bought from a pet store developed stunted growth and a variety of other health problems due to the horrible living conditions and poor breeding practices at the reindeer mill where they were born.
4. Visions of sugar plums…
a) danced in the children’s heads.
b) performed acrobatic feats in the children’s stomachs.
c) grew into unhealthy obsessions and, in many cases, eating disorders that lasted well into adulthood. Some of the children refused to eat sugar plums ever again; others would eat nothing but sugar plums.
Happy whatever-you-celebrate. And please, if you decide to bring reindeer into your household, don’t buy them from a pet store — adopt from a local shelter instead.