NASA needs your help. They’re soliciting haiku poems to send on a future mission to Mars.
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Two hundred million
miles from home. Did I forget
to turn off the stove?
–
I love the view but
hate this planet’s atmosphere.
Yelp rating: three stars.
–
I’ve a feeling we’re
not in Kansas anymore.
Stupid GPS.
–
It’s cold here on Mars
every day. So you’d have to
be crazy to stay.
But I think it’s worth
The distance from Earth, to see
the Martians at play.
–
NASA wants haiku.
Limericks are considered
inappropriate.
–
It seems fitting that
these poems for Martians were
written by Vogons.
–
Unlikely Explanations 
stove one is good
martians like haiku
don’t know stoves
Martians never lock their keys in the car, either. That’s why they’re so smug.
let me try..
is haiku something
that is a martian thing?
this leaves me thinking
while I am studying
and do academic writing.
I think you should name the three stars. The Sun must be one of them, but what’s its official name?
Collectively, the three stars form the famous constellation, the Random Triangle.
If it was real Vogon poetry, we would all be dead by now. Or at least insane. You have to be careful with that.
This blog accepts no responsibility for any poetry-related injuries or fatalities. That’s clearly spelled out in section 27, paragraph 6 of the Terms and Condition.
I can’t see how these are rejected, they are brilliant!
Technically, I didn’t submit them, so they kind of rejected themselves.
NASA’s funding cut
Real science replaced by fluff.
A nation’s heart bleeds.
This is kind of horrifying.
Mars isn’t the place
to raise kids because, in fact
it is cold as hell
Are you the man they think you are at home? Because I get the feeling you’re not.
Not at all, you’re right.
Science, I don’t understand.
I’m a rocket man.
REALLY laughing out loud.
Well, my work here is done.
OK, this is my fav:
I’ve a feeling we’re
not in Kansas anymore.
Stupid GPS.
Do you think they’ll take my husband? No, I’m not that anxious to get rid of him, but he’s always wanted to go.
Probably not, since this is an unmanned project. But if he’s up for a one-way trip, he can apply to Mars One.
Let me think about that!
Love the Kansas one ( send it)
And the stove one would be a perfect reflection of what it means to be human!
The YELP is great…but you’d have to have a footnote about what is yelp
Really cleaver verses!
I wanted to see if anyone had done a Yelp review on Earth, but I couldn’t figure out what zip code to put in the search form.
it would be a really long one….might not fit in the form’s box?
I wanted to come up with a good, ‘Cohagen give these people air’ haiku… but… yeah, my head started to throb. Can I blame this on lack of oxygen? Oh well. Wouldn’t be much fun if not read out loud in a ‘Schwarzenegger-esque’ fashion, anyway.
Now I’m thinking of
A truly awful movie.
Make it go away.
I love the first one.
Thanks — I think that may be the most accurate one of the bunch.
I love these. All of them are suitable as far as I’m concerned.
If men are from Mars
No wonder they make no sense
This place kind of blows
The problem with Mars:
No matter how hard you look
There are no kittens.
I’m guffawing. These are awesome.
These are very good! The “Did I forget to turn off the stove?” one would definitely be me.
I actually submitted this to the contest
To my good Martian friend Ku
I send you this greeting from Earth,
“Haiku.”
Haha! Cute!
Ah, the second was spectacular! Did you write this or is it a collection? :) Anyway, didn’t know they issued this competition. Very interesting! I always say I don’t read poetry but stumbling across it like this is so much fun :D
Thanks! I wrote these, and I actually submitted the stove one to the contest, where it did really, really badly.
Haha, I thought it was awesome :D But maybe they’re looking for something more sober.