Blog Archives

Yes, Virginia, There Is An Apple Core

DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say that apples don’t really have cores. Papa says, ‘If you see it in THE SUN it’s so.’ Please tell me the truth; do apple cores exist? Virginia

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Posted in Humor

Six Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Santa Claus

How much do you know about Santa Claus? Most people are unaware of these six basic facts. 1. Santa initially used birds to deliver presents. He ended this practice after receiving many complaints: the owls, hungry after a hard night’s

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A Christmas Poem

I have eaten the cookies that were on the mantel and which you had probably left there for Santa Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so warm — I have read the note that was by the cookies

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Posted in Humor

Who is Astrid Volpert? And Other Questions for the Butterball Turkey Hotline

I’ve just heard some exciting news — just in time for Thanksgiving, Butterball has launched a turkey recipe app. At just $4.99, Butterball Cookbook Plus sounds like a real godsend for anyone who owns an iPhone and doesn’t know how

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Posted in Humor

December is Sugar Plum Awareness Month

It was brought to my attention this week that many people have no idea what a sugar plum is. In an attempt to combat the global problem of sugar plum ignorance, I hereby declare December to be Sugar Plum Awareness

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Posted in Humor

The Pop Quiz Before Christmas

1. Where and how were the stockings hung? a) by the chimney, with care. b) on the clothesline, haphazardly. c) in the library, with a rope, by Colonel Mustard. 2. Who were the children waiting for? a) Saint Nicholas. b)

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Posted in Humor

A Brief History of the War on Groundhog Day

Timeline showing events in the War on Groundhog Day.

What do Copernicus, Bill Murray, PETA, and Sarah Palin all have in common? They’re unlikely allies in the War on Groundhog Day. While the War on Christmas has received a fair amount of media attention in the last few years, the equally troubling War on Groundhog Day has gone almost unnoticed.

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Posted in Humor
Elsewhere …

I have some publications in other places, including short stories at Shimmer, Flash Fiction Online, and Daily Science Fiction, and a list of overly-wordy LOLCat captions on McSweeney's.

Things I found in my cat's water bowl.

A blog about my cat Holly's end of life.

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