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Valentine (2014)

Roses are red Violets are blue My library books Are all overdue. Roses are red Violets are too Rose-colored glasses Are what I see through. Roses are red Goulash is stew Have a nice meal And don’t get the flu.

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Yes, Virginia, There Is An Apple Core

DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say that apples don’t really have cores. Papa says, ‘If you see it in THE SUN it’s so.’ Please tell me the truth; do apple cores exist? Virginia

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Today Is National Ice Cream Day — Or Is It?

We have always celebrated National Ice Cream Day on the third Sunday of July. — George Orwell, Nineteen Eighty-Four In 1984, Ronald Reagan signed a presidential proclamation naming the third Sunday in July as National Ice Cream Day — or

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Who is Astrid Volpert? And Other Questions for the Butterball Turkey Hotline

I’ve just heard some exciting news — just in time for Thanksgiving, Butterball has launched a turkey recipe app. At just $4.99, Butterball Cookbook Plus sounds like a real godsend for anyone who owns an iPhone and doesn’t know how

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National Barbecue Day

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to break with the culinary traditions which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the superior cooking methodology to which

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A Brief History of the War on Groundhog Day

Timeline showing events in the War on Groundhog Day.

What do Copernicus, Bill Murray, PETA, and Sarah Palin all have in common? They’re unlikely allies in the War on Groundhog Day. While the War on Christmas has received a fair amount of media attention in the last few years, the equally troubling War on Groundhog Day has gone almost unnoticed.

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Elsewhere …

I have some publications in other places, including short stories at Shimmer, Flash Fiction Online, and Daily Science Fiction, and a list of overly-wordy LOLCat captions on McSweeney's.

Things I found in my cat's water bowl.

A blog about my cat Holly's end of life.

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