Blog Archives

A Scene From My Laundry Room, Earlier This Week

The scene: a technician has come to my home to fix my dryer. Dryer Technician (D.T.): What seems to be the problem? Me: Well, it gets hot, but it doesn’t rotate. And it makes a noise. D.T.: (turns dryer on)

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The Delusional Homeowner’s Guide to Faucet Repair

My house was built in 1926, but I’m pretty sure the plumbing is older than that — the former owners appear to have found some ancient water pipes made of hollowed-out mastodon tusks and built a house around them. Some

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Place Your Bets

I bought this today. Will the evening end … With a perfectly functioning kitchen sink and a massively inflated ego, or With three more trips to Home Depot, or With a call to a plumber, or With a trip to

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My Cats Probably Don’t Have the Disease From the Movie “Contagion”

This morning I found blood spatter stains on my bed. It wasn’t a huge amount – I was able to eliminate “maybe someone stabbed me while I was asleep” and “maybe I accidentally stabbed someone in my sleep” as theories right away. It was a collection of small drops that looked like the pattern a cat’s sneeze might make if a cat’s sneeze were made of blood, right in the spot where my cats like to sleep.

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Don’t Look a Zombie Chocolate Bunny in the Mouth

A few weeks ago, Thoughtsy from Thoughts Appear’s Blog sent me a lovely seasonally appropriate confection in the mail. Of course, the first question one asks when presented with a chocolate zombie bunny is: will biting into this thing turn

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Three Scary Things In My House

Scary thing #1: creepy-looking insect. What is this thing? What planet is it from? Why is it in my house? How many more of them are there? If my cats try to play with it, and it bites them, will

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Before There Was Spam…

Before there was spam, there were advertising circulars. My front door is a magnet for these things — every day, I find flyers for real estate agents, restaurants, dry cleaners, and home improvement services. Occasionally, I’ll see one for an

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That One Night It Got Really Windy

It’s official — I live in a disaster area. And for once, that’s not a reference to my housekeeping skills. I’d tell you the name of the disaster, but it doesn’t have one. It probably never will. Other wind-related events,

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Ten Warning Signs That You May Be Experiencing a Wind Storm

1. When walking outside, you spend much more than the usual amount of effort staying on course, remaining upright, and not flying away. 2. Your car rocks from side to side, especially when parked or stopped at a light, and

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My Favorite Holiday Is Almost Here

Apologies to anyone who gets this in their mailbox twice — I’m not sure what happened the first time. According to various unreliable sources on the Internet, tomorrow is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day. Although this holiday has some

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Elsewhere …

I have some publications in other places, including short stories at Shimmer, Flash Fiction Online, and Daily Science Fiction, and a list of overly-wordy LOLCat captions on McSweeney's.

Things I found in my cat's water bowl.

A blog about my cat Holly's end of life.

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