How to Write the Perfect Mystery Novel

As a public service, I offer these suggestions to aspiring murder mystery writers who want to improve their work.

1. If at all possible, have the murder occur on Halloween. Halloween is the best day of the year to dispose of a body — you can walk around in blood-stained clothes, carrying as many severed body parts as you want, and people will just think you have a really cool costume. Of course, there’s always the possibility that, once people hear the news that a murder has occurred, they’ll have second thoughts about the costume they saw — but that’s okay, because they won’t know that you were the person wearing it. Remember, on Halloween, you can wear a mask.
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