A British/Irish couple, Emily Bunting and Leigh Van Bryan, were denied entry to the United States recently because, according to the official DHS paperwork, “Mr. BRYAN confirmed that he had posted on his Tweeter website account that he was coming to the United States to dig up the grave of Marilyn Monroe. Also on his tweeter account Mr. BRYAN posted that he was coming to destroy America”. Naturally, this raises a number of questions, such as:
2. Where can I get one of these Tweeter website accounts? And why isn’t “Tweeter” capitalized consistently?
3. Is it just me, or does it look like DHS kicked them out because of the plot to dig up Marilyn Monroe and only mentioned the part about destroying America as an afterthought? Does that seem backwards to anyone else?
But the most pressing question is: how are these two actions — destroying America and digging up Marilyn Monroe — related? The way I see it, there are four possibilities:
1. Destroying America is one step in the plan to dig up Marilyn Monroe (I think this is pretty unlikely, actually, because it’s just so incredibly inefficient).
2. Digging up Marilyn Monroe is one step in the plan to destroy America. At first I thought this sounded ridiculous, but then I realized I was totally ignoring the possibility that there may be some sort of America-destroying weapon buried under Marilyn, and they have to dig her up to get to it.
3. The couple came here primarily to destroy America; however, they realize that this is their last chance to fulfill their lifelong dream of digging up Marilyn Monroe, because once America is destroyed, her grave will be inaccessible.
4. He wants to destroy America; she wants to dig up Marilyn Monroe. Who can reach their goal first? Find out on the new reality TV series Felony Challenge.
Unlikely Explanations: Let me start with the one question that’s on everyone’s mind. No other life form on Earth can use — or even tolerate — arsenic the way you do. Are you from outer space? GFAJ-1: No, I’m from California. A lot of people confuse the two.
Unlikely Explanations: Thriving on arsenic the way you do is a major accomplishment. How did you do it? GFAJ-1: It was a slow process that occurred over many generations. I won’t lie — initially, my family was as intolerant of arsenic as anyone else. But then arsenic started moving into the neighborhood, and we realized we’d have to adapt somehow. Continue reading “An Interview With GFAJ-1, the Arsenic-Eating Bacterium”→
This is a departure from what I usually post here. The tagline for this blog is “please don’t take anything you read here seriously”, but I hope people actually will take this seriously.
I’m a cat person. I have two cats; when I make travel plans, the first person I call is my cat-sitter, and when I return home, the thing I look forward to most is being greeted by my cats. I’ve learned how to type with a cat between me and the keyboard. While writing this post, I’ve stopped a couple times to do important cat-related things (like throwing toys across the floor so one cat can chase them, or picking up a cat and carrying him over to the wall so he can sniff the light switches). In other words, the only reason I’m not a card-carrying crazy cat lady is that, as far as I know, there is no card-issuing crazy cat lady organization. Continue reading “Dear Cat-Hater Haters: Please Stop. You’re Not Helping.”→