Errata and Clarifications to Recent Posts

In the post Grocery Bag Dysmorphic Disorder (September 14, 2011):

  • The grocery bags were not made of unicorn skin. The unicorn is a mythical beast.
  • “Check out this week’s Dear Good Greatsby” was meant as a recommendation, not an order. I acknowledge that I am not in any way, shape, or form, the boss of you.
  • Getting the name of a blog wrong is not definitive proof that you are secretly in love with the owner of that blog.

In the post An Open Letter to a Guy Who May or May Not Be Named Dan, Regarding Our Recent Text Message Exchange (September 10, 2011):

  • Dan’s final text message (“sorry wrong number”) was omitted. I couldn’t bring myself to mention it; the feelings of anger and shame triggered by his assumption that I was too stupid to figure it out for myself were still too raw.

In the post Terror in the Skies: An Open Letter to Vance Gilbert (September 5, 2011):

  • The fork incident really occurred, but it was significantly less embarrassing than implied in this post. Also, the salad was very overpriced, not “kind of” overpriced.
  • Nail polish remover is not allowed on airplanes.

In the post The Door (August 15, 2011):

  • Mixing bleach and ammonia does not create “a simple explosive which can be used to blast through a blocked door easily and safely”; instead, it produces deadly cyanide gas.

In the post Lucky to Be Alive (June 31, 2011):

  • The “300 frenzied rat-like creatures running wild” were actually two docile gerbils in a cage.
  • The “raging inferno that almost cost us our lives” was a birthday cake with twelve lit candles.
  • The sound of “sirens of approaching fire engines, our last desperate hope for survival” was actually the sound of a small group of people singing “Happy Birthday” out of tune.

In the post Errata and Clarifications to Recent Posts (September 16, 2011):

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Posted in Humor
15 comments on “Errata and Clarifications to Recent Posts
  1. Ah, I see. At least you spotted the errors, Laura… I must admit that in reading them, I didn’t notice them myself. This is especially true of your ‘Lucky to Be Alive’ post.

  2. nursemyra says:

    *phew* I’m glad you cleared that up for me

    Well… to be fair I’ve been a little woozy ever since I tried mixing up a batch of super-strong multipurpose cleaner…

  4. Your blog, Improbable Expositions, is pretty great.

  5. Binky says:

    I’m beginning to believe you made up the whole errata post just to confuse with implied negative negatives to prove how nonexistent errors can obscure the facts.

  6. Yep, I’ve been back to this post three times and I still have nothing clever to say. Sigh.

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I have some publications in other places, including short stories at Shimmer, Flash Fiction Online, and Daily Science Fiction, and a list of overly-wordy LOLCat captions on McSweeney's.

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