I was looking at my search terms the other day to see if I needed to update my open letter to anyone directed here by a search engine, and I came across this:
MY SON KEEPS SEEING BEES BUT THERE IS NO BEES
Actually, WordPress always shows search terms in lower case, but I’m convinced that whoever typed this query used all caps. Either way, it’s clearly a cry for help, so I’m going to address the rest of today’s post to that person.
Hi. I understand your son keeps seeing bees where there are no bees. I can see why you might be worried, but please don’t panic. There are many possible explanations for this. So take a few deep breaths while I run through a few of them for you.
1. Your son may simply be mistaken. I found myself in a similar situation last year — I kept seeing bees at my house, but in fact, what I thought were bees turned out to be yellowjackets. If this is what’s going on with your son, he just needs to enroll in a remedial entomology class.
2. Your son may be lying to you about seeing bees. Does he like to play practical jokes? Did he recently see the movie Gaslight? Is he evil? Actually, this could be pretty serious. Maybe you should panic after all. But read through the other options first.
3. Your son could be seeing vampire bees. When he points out the bees to you, do you look at them directly or through a mirror? If you’re looking through a mirror, you’re not seeing them because they’re vampires.
4. You and your son might be characters in a heartwarming children’s fantasy movie like Bridge to Terabithia or Pan’s Labyrinth. Actually, now that I think about it — this scenario tends not to end well. You might want to consider moving, especially if your son has an evil stepfather.
5. It’s possible that there are bees all around you, and you’re simply in denial. Have you noticed any unexplained buzzing sounds or stinging sensations lately? Have your friends taken to wearing beekeepers’ outfits whenever they visit?
6. Someone could be playing a practical joke on your son. Does he wear glasses or contact lenses? Have you checked to see whether someone has drawn tiny bees on them?
Good luck — I hope one of these suggestions helps your son with his problems. Of course, I’m assuming your son is real. If your imaginary son is seeing imaginary bees, then my advice would be not to worry about it.
Seriously — is this a line from a book or movie? I’ve done searches on this and a few variations, and I can’t find anything even remotely similar to it.