I was looking at my search terms the other day to see if I needed to update my open letter to anyone directed here by a search engine, and I came across this:
MY SON KEEPS SEEING BEES BUT THERE IS NO BEES
Actually, WordPress always shows search terms in lower case, but I’m convinced that whoever typed this query used all caps. Either way, it’s clearly a cry for help, so I’m going to address the rest of today’s post to that person.
Hi. I understand your son keeps seeing bees where there are no bees. I can see why you might be worried, but please don’t panic. There are many possible explanations for this. So take a few deep breaths while I run through a few of them for you.
1. Your son may simply be mistaken. I found myself in a similar situation last year — I kept seeing bees at my house, but in fact, what I thought were bees turned out to be yellowjackets. If this is what’s going on with your son, he just needs to enroll in a remedial entomology class.
2. Your son may be lying to you about seeing bees. Does he like to play practical jokes? Did he recently see the movie Gaslight? Is he evil? Actually, this could be pretty serious. Maybe you should panic after all. But read through the other options first.
3. Your son could be seeing vampire bees. When he points out the bees to you, do you look at them directly or through a mirror? If you’re looking through a mirror, you’re not seeing them because they’re vampires.
4. You and your son might be characters in a heartwarming children’s fantasy movie like Bridge to Terabithia or Pan’s Labyrinth. Actually, now that I think about it — this scenario tends not to end well. You might want to consider moving, especially if your son has an evil stepfather.
5. It’s possible that there are bees all around you, and you’re simply in denial. Have you noticed any unexplained buzzing sounds or stinging sensations lately? Have your friends taken to wearing beekeepers’ outfits whenever they visit?
6. Someone could be playing a practical joke on your son. Does he wear glasses or contact lenses? Have you checked to see whether someone has drawn tiny bees on them?
Good luck — I hope one of these suggestions helps your son with his problems. Of course, I’m assuming your son is real. If your imaginary son is seeing imaginary bees, then my advice would be not to worry about it.
Seriously — is this a line from a book or movie? I’ve done searches on this and a few variations, and I can’t find anything even remotely similar to it.
Unlikely Explanations 
I thought at first that it might have been me using that search term, but then realised it couldn’t have been when I remembered that I didn’t have a son.
Option 5 resonated with me… I wondered why everyone was dressing funny, but just put it down to the latest fashion trend…
Perhaps you’re in denial of both the bees and your son.
*chortle*
Laura, you crack me up
I try…
Keeps seeing tiny bees! Hilarious! Outrageous! HAHAHAHA…
Seriously, though… uhh… what if someone, let’s just call him ‘Bill’ were to be HEARING tiny bees…
what… then…
:)
I’d tell “Bill” not to stay calm and follow a few easy steps in order to figure out what’s going on:
1. Turn off the main circuit breaker to your house. Did the buzzing stop? If so, one of your electrical appliances sounds like a bee.
2. Is the buzzing low-pitched, like the buzzing of some weird mutant baritone bee? If so, does “Bill” have a cat? Is the cat happy? The sound may be the cat purring.
3. Does “Bill” have an attic or crawlspace above “his” house? Does the buzzing seem to be coming from there? I have some friends who experienced this, and I’d tell you their story, but you’d never believe it. Basically, though, I think the wisest course of action “Bill” could take at this time would be to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! NOW!
Hahaha
OH NO!
Do I… er, I mean, does Bill have time to pack a few things first?!
:)
Poor “Bill”. I’ll miss him.
Maybe her son actually keeps seeing Bea. To which I say, there’s no shame for a boy to enjoy a “Golden Girls” marathon. I’m sure he’ll grow up to be a fully functioning adult who loves Lady Gaga, skin-tight clothes and glitter.
That accounts for one Bea, but it sounds like there was more than one. Maybe they have two TVs.
Apparently, when you spend a lot of time looking at “there is no bees”, you start saying things like “there was more than one”.
I love getting search terms like this. Sometimes they stick with me for weeks as I keep considering what was the story behind that search.
Yeah, me too. I wish I knew the real story behind this one.
I thinkj it would be worse if your son did NOT see bees when there were, in fact, bees. That could be dangerous.
It would be dangerous at first, sure, but once he realized what was happening, he could take a few simple precautions, like asking people he’s with to tell him if they see any bees, and wearing a beekeeper’s outfit whenever he’s alone.
I think #5 is very possible. It is not that the son sees bees, it is that the parent doesnt.
Maybe the parent just needs glasses.
ALL YOUR BEES ARE BELONG TO US
I, for one, welcome our new bee overlords.
You certainly seemed to cover most of the options. The only other explanation I can think of is:
7. Your son is insane. Get rid of him before his insanity infects you.
How exactly do you get rid of an insane son?
Mail him to Grandma?
Maybe he’s like that kid in The Sixth Sense. I wonder if the bees is dead and they don’t know it?
Ha! That actually fits pretty well.
I don’t know what would be worse….seeing a monster in your bed or closet or constantly seeing bees.
Which post did it lead them to?
I think seeing a monster in your bed would be the worst, especially if you were in bed at the time. Unless you’re into that kind of thing.
I think the search probably took them to the vampire bees post. WordPress tells you what people searched for and how many people looked at each page, but not which searches correspond to which page views.
Cracking up at the glasses. OMG.
You get fun searches. I get gross ones like “gymnastics crotch photo.” Yeah.
I get surprisingly few gross ones. Lately I’ve gotten some variations on “gravy recipe for cats”, which can mean “recipe for gravy to serve to cats” (not gross), “recipe that cats can follow to make gravy” (not gross, but somewhat unrealistic), or “gravy to serve with cats” (gross and awful).
This is retarded. I would advise not to take advice.
You’ve really impressed me with that answer!
I only just found this blog. Laura has an un-bee-lievable writing talent. On a serious note though, there is another possibility. Bill could have made it to the final round of a spelling bee contest, and may have lost out on the title due to a silent b that stumped him. The b’s will haunt him forever.
You may be on to something. Just look at the first letter of Bill’s name!